So just to start off, Lisa is a woman after mine own heart, and I would die for her. “Well… he has a car”
I really enjoyed the banter and the very web-series-feel of how you described the action and camera. I’m a sucker for found footage, though, especially when it’s used creatively, as it is here.
My only real critique is that I think the ending happens to abruptly and ties up too many loose ends too quickly. If it was at the end of a traditional drama pilot, maybe I could buy that being the end of episode button, but it’s at the end of a six minute script, and I kinda want to see Lisa and Frank in their “ordinary world” for a little longer. I want to see who they are outside of this before they’re whisked away in a government conspiracy. You can still end on something of a mysterious governmental entity (and in terms of the contest it makes sense why you got there so fast), but I think you explained everything too fast, and these characters are too fun to blow that surprise in the first episode.
Also. You’re gonna make this, right?!?!