Starting Under "Pitch Bible" feedback, please!


(Rodney Roush) #1

We have created, what we think, is a fairly unique series guide or pitch bible.
I haven’t got much feedback from LinkedIn post, but I’m hoping a more specific audience will provide some insights.

Thanks a lot, and look forward to hearing any and all thoughts!
Rodney

http://www.startingunder.com/series-info.html


(Kate Hackett) #2

With the understanding that I don’t think I’m your target audience, here are my thoughts:

  • the colors are killing me. I like that you have a theme & you carry it through … but what does this style do for you? Does it reflect a key plot point? From what I gleaned, no. So I’d say – scrap it. Find something that DOES fit your story/is in your story, or just give me a nice power point.
  • the font is also hard on my eyeballs
  • You have WALLS of text. WALLS. It’s too much. Speak quickly, and get out.
  • I prefer the following order: Title page with log line, your “about” page with a BRIEF synopsis of your story, characters / setting / etc., a synopsis of the story & general overview of where you’ll go for the season, about “us” (you), production plan / what you are asking for & need, thank you page w contact info. You do a nice job overviewing the pilot & the season; I would say get your Episode One length WAY down.
  • More pictures, less text. Your visuals are too crowded, the pages are too busy.
  • Everything after the season synopsis is confusing to me – everything. At that point, give me your contact info and get outta there.

Like I said, I appreciate the theme – that’s a good instinct! – I think it just needs a smoother execution.