Web Series Trailer - IMMORTAL P.I. Drama, scifi


(Joshua Melancon) #1

Hi! My names Josh, I work primarily as an editor. I’m looking for feedback on a trailer I made for an original web series we’re currently wrapping up. Never done a trailer like this before, it included loads of research into the best way to go about it. As a point of view, I narrowed it down to a few key elements that I really tried to work into it.

  1. Tell what the story’s about
  2. But also answer as little questions as possible
  3. But also peak the audience’s interest

I feel a trailer is incredibly important when building an audience, especially an online one. It’s a fine tight rope because I’ve seen some really great trailers and some very bad ones, but this is why I’m looking for feedback - also as a info reference for myself and anyone on here looking to make a trailer (please post a link to another post that covers this if there is one, but I haven’t seen any). If you have any questions or comments, don’t hesitate! Seems like a neat community here.

Hugo, an immortal man, just can’t seem to stay dead. He seeks help from of a Private Investigator, Grant, to help him find a girl he sees every time he dies. That is, if his employer doesn’t find her first.


(Bri Castellini) #2

@RobbieRuviews @movieguyjon @mdec24 @kmd @mintypineapple @spatulawilwheat @ghettonerdgirl @hermdelica


(Bri Castellini) #3

This was really cool! I can’t wait to see the full show! My only lingering question is about his employer- I get him and the PI’s deal in the story, but I can’t tell what he does or why all these people are trying to kill him? I don’t need to know all the details, but the employer kinda comes out of nowhere and says all this stuff but unless I’d read your logline underneath the video I’d have had no clue who she was or why I should care that she was there. I almost wish you’d spent more time on the girl he’s trying to find since that seems to be a big part of the show, and that mystery was the most compelling to me- once I know the dude can’t be killed I don’t really need more info on that- I get it. I almost don’t need to see the employer at all until I actually watch the show- if she was just an angry and violent person in the trailer also looking for the girl, that would be enough for me, then finding out she’s Hugo’s employer in the show would be more impactful. Like, oh shit, this lady is way more entangled than I thought.


(sam lockie-waring) #4

dude your lighting is tight as hell. love the look of this show. if you don’t mind me asking, how’d you fund this?

i agree with bri- i think the employer thing was hard to follow and ultimately not super useful in the trailer itself or even really the synopsis because it’s never explained what his job is or why the employer would care. i would also like to know why so many people pay kill this dude. is it just because he’s notorious for not dying or what? and how/why does he meet the pi? in the trailer it seems like the investigator knows him already but that’s unclear so then all their conversations for the rest of the trailer are kinda confusing.

i’m totally psyched for this in any case. def let us know when you go live!


(Herman Wang) #5

I think I agree with Bri about the employer - it seems like you’re trying to introduce 3 characters during the trailer when 2 feels like the comfortable max in this short timeframe.


(Joshua Melancon) #6

Appreciate the responses, and thanks for the feedback! The response from general audience has a good, but filmmakers always have a different perspective. The response here tells me there is a storytelling/editing problem with understanding the general concept.
Obviously it’s communicated well that man dies over and over, sees girl on death, gets PI to help find her.

Then you guys are thrown off on the employer bit. There’s a line in there - “rich douchebags pay large sums of money to kill me, my employer doesn’t disclose what I really am”. Is this too vague? Or does it just feel like someone’s thrown in there and doesn’t make sense? My perspective is screwed because I’ve edited the entire show and completely understand it.
Also, in the making of any trailer, I believe the audience doesn’t need to completely understand motives, whys, or even who’s doing what. The more questions an audience asks pertaining to what’s going on in the plot, tells me interests is peaked. Biggest problem modern trailers have is revealing too much, OR too little. The audience DOES need to understand the general ideal though. Curious to see if anyone has any input on that? Disagrees? The psychology on how the audience perceives is important to me, but so far that’s been a generic “cool! Looks like a movie!”

Also to answer @samlockie we had a short Kickstarter that landed us a little over a grand on the budget of this project, and that’s what we worked with.


(Bri Castellini) #7

OH. Do you mean his job is literally to get killed? Like if a rich person wants to know what it feels like to kill someone, he’s that someone? I did not get that at all- I thought that was a separate plot about why he’s being hunted/in danger, not that that was his job.


(Jonathan Hardesty) #8

Very well-done trailer. Tightly paced, and didn’t drag in the middle. I wasn’t bothered necessarily by the abrupt reveal of the employer, but it was a bit out of left field. If it were feasible you could replace the shot of the main character talking about “rich douchebags…” with a backlit, shadowy shot of the silhouette of the employer walking toward the camera. Give her a bit of a mystical and threatening presence that’s more god-like in nature. Could betray how the characters see these employers or something.


(Joseph Steven Heath) #9

I sorta thought maybe he was being hired to infiltrate places and if he dies, it’s not a big deal. They’ll think he’s dead, but he can go tell his employer what he’s learned.

But I think the trailer seems interesting enough. Though the audio sometimes felt like it was disconnected from the scenes. Like it was so clean that it felt like it was recorded in post? Maybe throw in some more ambient sound?


(Joshua Melancon) #10

@Bri_Castellini well you’re on the right track, but apparently I didn’t translate that well enough into the trailer. But thanks for the first impression feedbacks everyone! Glad you guys are liking it for the most part, I will be keeping these points in mind next time I create a narrative trailer.


(Robbie Ru) #11

Hey Josh!

First things first, I think your editing saved this trailer. The use of sound effects, the text/text effects and the pace were excellent. So all of my notes are to make this even better, but please understand, I really enjoyed this and want to help you make it better.

So, I don’t know if it was an acting issue, but I didn’t feel the lines were as dire as they were meant to be. I love your use of the risers to amp up the excitement and drama, but it just fell a bit flat. I’d recommend condensing the trailer to literally just the main plot points so people can get a baseline knowledge. Essentially: 1. Who is our main character 2. What makes him special 3. His Problem 4. Escalate his problem even further 5. Cliffhanger

I feel that too much was said, not enough was explained. I think you want this to be a bit more vague, so I’d recommend making it shorter. Like a teaser trailer. You could even do multiple teasers that, together, make a cohesive story, possibly.

The tackle at :29 is really weak. It kind of took me out of the trailer. I think the sound needs to be worked on to make it more impactful and you could possibly take this into AE and add some camera shake to help it feel more realistic.

Overall, I think your work heightened the quality of this trailer and was excellent! Please let me know if you’d like me to elaborate on anything or have any questions! (These are all just my opinions and should NOT be taken as gospel :))