Community Critique: Broken Up


(kerry oneill) #1

www.brokenup.cool

Broken Up is my 6 episode web series that I released last month! I wrote, produced and starred. Here’s a little blurb I sent out about it. I’d love to hear what everyone thinks and also any advice on my next step with this. It’s got amazing press from Whohaha and HelloGiggles already! Thanks for watching!


Broken Up follows Kerry’s grieving process after a particularly brutal break up. In each episode Kerry gets a visit from a new friend hoping to help her recover. It’s a sweet story about how important friends are. The series was written, created by, directed and edited by two women, Kerry O’Neill and Carmen Angelica, respectively.

Kerry’s writing can be seen on screen on The UCB Show on Seeso, as well as live on stage each month at The Upright Citizens Brigade Theatre with her house sketch team, Karate Karate. Broken Up also features UCB heavy-hitters Oscar Montoya, Ele Woods, Sarah Stoecker, Yesel Manrique, Ruha Taslimi, Beth Alexandroff, and Lyndsey Frank. Director and editor Carmen Angelica’s works can be seen on Cracked and The UCB Show on Seeso.


Next Week on the Forum: July 8-14
(Bri Castellini) #2

Do you have any specific things you’d like people to focus on? Anything from your show you’re unsure of, or wish you knew more about?


(kerry oneill) #3

I’d love to hear what people think about the writing and acting! What stands out to you when you watch it etc.


(kerry oneill) #4

I’m also wondering if people think this is a good idea to develop further. I kind of created it to be this little bubble season but it’s gotten a lot of positive feedback so I guess I’m not sure if I should try to do a season two or write an indie feature of it or if it’s good and I should leave it alone and make a new thing!!


(Meg Carroway) #5

This is a pretty funny show so I guess in terms of what comes next, it depends on what you want. Right now it’s essentially a series of vaguely narrative sketches about dealing with a breakup, which is really well shot and well acted. The team is clearly talented and the writing is solid, so if you wanted to do something with more substance, you definitely could, but there’s also a market for straightforward sketch-like series right now.

The acting could be a little one-note, very subdued, even though the actors themselves were clearly funny, so having more range of delivery would be my major critique on that end.


(Bri Castellini) #6

I think I agree with most of this. It’s a genuinely funny show, maybe not laugh-out-loud but definitely nose-exhale and snort funny, and feels a lot like a proof of concept for you as a comedy actor more than a story, which isn’t a bad thing if that’s what you were going for. Meg’s right- there’s definitely an audience and a market for that, and for you.

I don’t know if, based on the structure of the show as it stands, a season 2 would be valuable. There wasn’t really a story, I know nothing about the characters past their surface jokes and interactions, and I know nothing about what your character wants except for to get back with Matt, which doesn’t take us very far past what we’ve already seen. As a mini series on the web, that’s enough, but I don’t know what else this story or these characters (as portrayed) have to say.

What this show says to me is that you and your team are talented enough to make a series of single room, 2 person interactions entertaining, and you guys made those entertaining interactions look really professional (no major sound or camera issues, great production design). Whatever you decide to do from here, you’ve proved you have the chops to do it. So I think it’s up to you.


(kerry oneill) #7

Thank you!!


(kerry oneill) #8

Thank you! I definitely made this as a sort of “calling card” to showcase my writing and acting chops and prove I can create something. As that, this has been invaluable. Thank you for your honest input! I appreciate it! And thanks for liking the production design, which is literally just my room that I threw garbage around in, haha!


(Bri Castellini) #9

It’s really great and colorful, probably highlighted by good lighting, which can often wash out a room or give an overly colorful room a weird hue.


(James Peniata) #10

Oh the feels. I got serious feels during this. Its scary how relatable this is haha.
From the 420 friend right down to the forceful food friends lol.

The delivery of the lines was hilarious. Im a fan of Quirkiness but it can be a bit much if everyone delivers things in the same manner. So i enjoyed the difference in the personalities.
FYI the drinking friends…spot on. Hahaha Could not stop laughing about the scientology part “You know they have an aliedn” and “they made her change her name” haha. Cracks me up.

I could tell you guys werent actually drinking anything though. But other than that everything was great. Im just curious as to what youre going to do next?

Also…theres nothing wrong with a little bum pash. Be proud lol