Community Critique: “The Señor Loro Show”

(Señor Loro) #1

Bienvenidos to my puppet world! ~~ In 2007, the first episodes of our YouTube web series appeared, which were intended to be a kind of Muppet Show 2.0 for adults from a Latino POV.

The webisodes track the loose narrative of a bawdy, snarky, edgy webisode ‘variety show’ run by an incredibly diverse ragtag cast of immigrant puppet characters branded: LosTiteresTV! (Spanish for ThePuppetsTV.)

The show is produced by Spanglish-speaking Señor Loro, a Cuban exile in Hollywood who claims to be Fidel Castro’s mustachioed ex-pet parrot. The variety sketches/webisodes under his brand include: a talking hermaphrodite marijuana plant, Mary Juana, in “You Must Be High”; a naked homeless man who dispenses astrological advice, “Naked Bob”; Mortimer Weasel, who teaches Jedi skills in a series called “Jedi Jabberwocky”; and a puppet telenovela with soap opera stars, “Conchita & Ronaldo”.

If you would be so kind, Stareable Community, I would love your thoughts on the sitcom pilot script. CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD: THE SEÑOR LORO SHOW


  • Can you envision it?
  • What do you think of the “meta” aspects?
  • Do you think it’s funny?
  • What do you think of the celebrity appearances?
  • What might make it better?

As you read, please imagine you’re watching it on HBO. :star_struck: Thank you all so much!

Felix Pire
Hollywood, CA

(sam lockie-waring) #2

reading now. will get back to you soon.

(Blair Hunter) #3

Is “Blaccent” offensive? It feels offensive…

(Señor Loro) #4

You know what it is. It’s an American dialect… And we’re irreverent. We’re willing to walk that line. :wink:

(Blair Hunter) #5

It’s one of the first descriptions we see, though, so it’s worth keeping in mind that that’s a first impression. You could just as easily say “stereotypical ‘urban’ dialect” or something, to make clear that you’re aware that you’re using stereotypes as satire, instead of just being offensive for offensive’s sake.

(Señor Loro) #6

Fair enough. I was hoping that that would shock someone into paying attention from page 1, reading on to make sure it’s not offensive, and then finding out that, in fact no. I saw it as a satirical ‘hook’. It’s only a description, only the reader sees this. In fact, the character described speaking this way is one of the most sensible characters in the cast.

(Bri Castellini) #7

I laughed out loud at the Nielsen joke. Burn.

The introduction portion is a little confusing- so many characters and so much going on that it’s hard to know what to focus on. As such, I retained very little of that intro and those introductions during the rest of the script. It has energy for sure, and I’m sure it would definitely make more sense filmed, but if I’m evaluating this on a script-level, things could be a little more streamlined/clear up front. It’s an incredibly complicated thing you’re doing, with so many different sketches and puppets to explain, so perhaps focusing on one and slowly unfolding who everyone else is would help.

There also isn’t much of an overarching plot until about 15 pages in, which for a pilot might be a little too late. The audience needs something to hold on to, otherwise they’d just watch the YouTube videos. There are different expectations on webisodes versus pilots, and right now in my opinion there’s too much time dedicated to confusing and disorienting us before getting to the meat of the plot. High energy and chaos for a cold open is one thing, but I don’t know if it can sustain a full Act.

Also, for what it’s worth, I can imagine this on FX or FXX more than I can imagine it on HBO.

(sam lockie-waring) #8

hook is different than first impression, though. and hooks like that are best dealt with by making it clear pretty soon afterwards that the shock had a purpose. if you let it go too long before letting the audience in on the satire, it doesn’t matter if that’s what it is- you’ve lost them.

(sam lockie-waring) #9

i’m a visual person, so i’m really digging imagining all the colors and stuff. i could visualize it for sure. i agree with @Bri_Castellini that there might be too much up front, but definitely keep some of the chaos. are you imagining this being kind of the puppet version of 30 rock? that’s the impression i got, especially once ashton kutcher showed up hah.

not sure if mentioning celebs by name is a good thing, though, since you’re trying to sell it (in theory) and if the individual celebs are important to the jokes or plots, that could make it less sellable. like, unless ashton and neil patrick harris are legit attached to the project, pitching it with them included might not work in your favor.

(Señor Loro) #10

Yes, Muppet version of 30 ROCK would be a great comparison… The chaos is intentional. Onscreen, it will be much clearer when you see it.

Ashton Kutcher was very kind to agree to appear in our pilot, wasn’t he? … Using celebs was a way I use to make the world around the puppets real in the writing. I could describe someone, or just say ASHTON KUTCHER, and boom, you picture him…

This pilot is to get the idea across. Of course we wouldn’t expect ANY of these celebs to do this. We’re simply writing them in to create a clear picture in your mind, which is more important than the celeb per se.

It’s hard enough imagining all these puppets running around. I hoped the celebs would have a grounding effect.

(sam lockie-waring) #11

true, but would a potential producer or writing agent be worried network execs wouldn’t be able to see past it? from what i hear they’re pretty easily spooked/confused, and get hung up on dumb details like that. if there’s something you don’t want people hung up on/something that can be easily changed, maybe that’s worth changing?

(Señor Loro) #12

Yes. Some network execs might say: “We can’t get Ashton Kutcher”… I’d say, “Who can we get that’s the same flavor?” … And we rewrite for that person… No matter what celebs we get, even if they’re D-List – there would have to be some for the show to work. So, I cast familiar faces… It’s a risk, I know. But what’s a pilot if it doesn’t take some risks? Something’s gotta be different to make a silly puppet show POP. We’re banking on celebrity names, mild chaos, and the word “blaccent” in the stage directions. But maybe we shouldn’t.

Sam, these are GREAT notes. Thank you for taking the time!!!

(Señor Loro) #13

Thank you for taking the time to read & review our piece!

(sam lockie-waring) #14

yeah man good luck to you. be sure to let us know what happens